Cell Block Tango
by cardcaptor eternity
Summary: Toph sighed. Maybe she didn't have the worst fate after all...especially considering that she was just a 'newbie' here, in Murderer's Row.
1. Cell Block Tango

First off, I'd like to start by saying that is a "songfic" Based on the song called 'Cell Block Tango' from the movie Chicago. So if you've never seen the movie, or at least have seen the song, this most likely will NOT make sense to you!!! I have forwarned thee!!!!

Cell Block Tango

_Setting_: Southern Japan, 1920. Meibi County Jail. Murderer's Row.

Toph sighed. It was lonely being in jail…now her husband was mad at her…her secret lover was dead…She was about to start sobbing, when suddenly she began to hear noises. Noises from the other cells.

-pop- a brightly lit cigarette flooded the room with light.

-six- the dim figure of a woman could be seen rolling her head back.

-uh uh- Toph could barely make out a young woman, holding a cross and crying.

-Cicero- soft tendrils of smoke floated out of a woman's lips.

-lipschitz- brown eyes averted to the right.

Toph closed her eyes as she could hear the booming voice in her head.

"And now, the six merry murderesses of the Meibi County Jail in their rendition of "The Cell Block Tango".

"Pop…six…squish…uh uh…cicero…lipschitz". Toph moaned as the music started building up in her head. "Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh! Cicero! Lipschitz!" The pounding music, the blaring lights, the screaming voices… Finally, she decided, curiosity killed the cat, but cats have 9 lives!! As she peered out into the hallway, the strange words were fading into…a song?

POP SIX SQUISH Uh uh Cicero…lipschitz.

_He had it coming! He had it coming!_

_He only had himself to blame_

_If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it_

A woman with short black hair stuck her arm out and yelled,

_I betcha you would have done the same!_

-Suddenly a blond woman walked out with an angry look on her face.

Hey. They call me Winry. Well, you know how people have these little habits that get you down? Like…Edward. Ed liked to chew gum. No not chew, POP. So I came home this one day and I'm really irritated ::pauses to light match:: and I'm looking for a little bit of sympathy. There's Ed, lyin' on the couch, drinkin' and beer and chewin'. No, not chewin'. Poppin! So I said to him I said, 'You pop that gum one more time…' And he did. So I took the shotgun off the wall and I fired two warning shots…into his HEAD

Suddenly she pulled a blood red hankerchief seemingly from nowhere, and began to dance.

_He had it coming, he had it coming_

_He only had himself to blame_

_If you'd have been there, if you'd have heard it_

_I betcha you would have done the same!_

-A tall, slender woman with flowing brown hair stepped up.

Many refer to me as princess, but you can call me Relena. I met Heero from Kyoto about 2 years ago, and he told me he was single, and we hit it off right away. So we started living together. He'd go to work. He'd come home. I'd fix him a drink. We'd have dinner. And then I found out. Single, he told me? Single my ass! Not only was he married, oh no. He had 6 wives. One of those mormons, you know? So that night when he came home from work, I fixed him his drink, as usual. -Relena pulls a red ribbon from her mouth- You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic

_He had it coming_

_He had it coming_

_He took a flower in its prime_

_And then he used it_

_And he abused it_

_It was a murder, but not a crime!_

-A tall black woman strolled into the light.

Now, I'm standing in the kitchen carving up the chicken for dinner, _minding_ my own business. In storms my husband, Jayvon, in a jealous rage. "You been screwin' the milkman" he says. He was crazy, and he kept on screaming', "you been screwin' the milkman!" And he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife 10 times!

All of a sudden she pulled a long red hankerchief from nowhere, seemingly reminiscient of her evil deed.

_If you'd have been there_

_If you'd have seen it_

_I betcha you would have done the same!_

-Suddenly, the music changed to a soft but upbeat tempo, and an older teen moved gracefully into the middle.

Soy Katara. Tengo la culpa del homicido de mi novio, Jet. Pero, conozco el asesino. Conozco el asesino! El matador es Zuko...

"Y-yeah, but did you do it?" Toph asked hesitantly.

Uh uh! Not..guilty

Katara sobbed softly as she pulled out a soft, white scarf.

-Immediately after, another woman with short black hair slinked over to Toph. She was different, this one. She had an air about her...she wasn't afraid.

Hello, love. You can call me Hotaru. My sister Chibiusa and I had this double act. And my husband Helios traveled around with us. Now, for the last number in our act, we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, splits, spread eagles, back flips, flip flops. One right after the other. One night before the show, we're down at the Hotel Cicero. The three of us boozin' and havin' a few laughs. We run out of ice, so I go out to get some. -She grinned for a moment- I come back, open the door, and there's Chibiusa and Helios, doing number 17, The Spread Eagle!

Toph gasped as she suddenly envisioned 2 people going down on each other...at the same time.

Well, I was in such a state of shock I completely blacked out I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands I even knew they were DEAD!

Toph moaned in shock and disbelief as 2 of the most reddest hankies she'd ever seen rolled from Hotaru's outstretched hands.

_THEY HAD IT COMIN'! (they had it comin')_

_THEY HAD IT COMIN'! (they had it comin')_

_THEY HAD IT COMIN' ALL ALONG..._

_I DIDN'T DO IT (she didn't do it)_

_But if I done IT (but if she done it)_

_How could you tell me that I was wrong!!_

_They had it coming (they had it coming)_

_They had it coming (they had it coming)_

_They had it coming all along...I didn't do it_

_But if I done it, how could you tell me that I was wrong?_

Toph blinked as a tall, sturdy woman with wide shoulders walked up to her.

Everyone calls me Setsuna. Let me tell you my story. I loved Mamoru Lipschitz more than I could possibly say. He was a real artistic guy. Sensitive, a painter. But he was always trying to find himself. He'd go out every night looking for himself, and on the way, he found Usagi, Rei, Unazuki, and Chibiusa. You could say we broke up because of artistic differences. He saw himself as alive...and I saw him -dead-

Toph's hands flew to her throat as she imagined this strong woman choking her with that bright red ribbon...ooh...

Suddenly everyone came out, including 50 other murderesses. They all sang with a passion and had a murderous look in their eyes.

_The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum_

_The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum_

_They had it comin'_

_They had it comin'_

_They had it comin'_

_They had it comin'_

_They had it coming all along..._

_And if they used us (and if they used us)_

_Then they abused us (then they abused us)_

_How could you tell us that we were wrong?_

_He had it coming (he had it coming)_

_He had it coming (he had it coming)_

_He only had himself to blame_

_If you'd have been there (if you'd have been there)_

_If you'd have seen it (if you'd have seen it)_

_I BETCHA YOU WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME!!_

pop that gum one more time...single my ass...10 times!...number 17, the spread eagle...artistic differences...

pop...

six...

squish...

uh uh...

cicero...lipshitz

Toph sighed and rolled over in her bed. Maybe her life wasn't so bad after all.

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Disclaimer: I don't own the movie Chicago (but my mom does!!). XD Joke, Joke, I mean I don't own the company or whatever...and I don't own any reference to anime I made...there was quite a few, ne?

_Don't forget to read chapter 2!! It may help!!_


	2. Fun Fun Extras!

Fun Fun Extras!!

I don't know if this means anything to you people, but I've taken it upon myself to tell you a little about my fanfic characters & setting. But, I wrote the actual story back in like, February, and I'm just know typing it up, along with this chapter, so I hope everything I write matches up...

_Setting_: Meibi County Jail. Did anyone notice? If you read H3, or Happy Hustle High, you should know that the name of their high school is Meibi High!

_Toph_: A blind earthbending 12 year old, from Avatar: The Last Airbender. She is a headstrong girl who could probably pull of lying easily, which is why I had set her as the main character. If you have seen Chicago, hopefully you can agree with me. Did anyone notice how I didn't make her blind in this story??

_Winry/Ed_: There is a show out there called FMA, or Full Metal Alchemist. The main character, Edward Elric, is best friends with a girl around his age, Winry Rockbell. I thought it was kinda funny putting them together in this story.

_Red Ribbons_: If you couldn't tell already, the length and number of the red ribbons a woman held was supposed to represent the number of murders she committed, and how heinous they were.

_Jayvon_: A close guy friend of mine. Everyone (meaning my friends) wants us to go out. Maybe it'll happen one day...

_Zuko/Katara/Jet_: These three characters also hail from Avatar: The Last Airbender. I've seen episodes of this show in Spanish, and I just loved how it sounded! Since, in the original movie, the one innocent woman spoke a different language, I had Katara babble in Spanish. What she said was:

-I am Katara. I am guilty of the murder of my boyfriend, Jet. But I know who the murderer is! I know the murderer! The killer is Zuko...

So basically, Katara is innocent, but is charged as guilty because no one can understand her. Sad, huh? Forgive me, I only took 4 years of Spanish, so I hope I translated it correctly.

_White Ribbon_: So like I said before, if you couldn't tell already, the fact that Katara had a pretty white ribbon meant that she was innocent. cries I love Katara!!

_Hotaru/Chibiusa_: 2 young female characters from my all time favorite anime, Sailor Moon! Helios was also in that show. In the show, in my opinion, Hotaru does actually resemble, somewhat, the character she is playing from Chicago. You know, creepy, unafraid, short black hair...

_Spread Eagle_: In the movie Chicago, the Spread Eagle is a move with 2 people on top of each other in such a way that it looks like their in a 69 position. So basically, Hotaru is saying that Chibiusa and Helios were...you know...do I really have to spell it out?

Setsuna, Mamoru, Usagi, Rei, and Unazuki: Also from Sailor Moon. Did anyone notice how Chibiusa showed up twice? She's a double cheater! (I think I just made that phrase up...) Want to know some more? In the original SM story, Usagi and Mamoru are actually Chibiusa's future parents. Heh. What a whore. I guess I subconsciously tried to keep her personality in the story, because if you read the Sailor Moon manga, you'll find that Chibiusa takes it upon herself to seduce her father into nearly having sex with her...blecch!! Whore!!

So, aah...if anything doesn't make sense, feel free to tell me or ask a question! If nothing makes sense, it's probably because you've never seen the movie Chicago...shame on you!!

-cardcaptor eternity


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